Become the Man Women Want
So you’re having trouble with the ladies. Well, fear not, my friend. Help is on the way. Now, there are several potential reasons for your stint of involuntary celibacy.
First, and perhaps most likely, you’ve taken to heart the belief that if only you were nice enough and could show women what a great guy you are, they’d be all over you.
I mean, you’re such a nice guy! What woman wouldn’t want you?
Second, perhaps you’re quite the sexy beast and catch women eying you but it seems that as soon as you open your mouth women seem to lose interest.
The third and not uncommon possibility is that you’ve studied pickup techniques and understand how it should all work in theory, but you seem to be missing something. You can’t seem to get to the core of female attraction. You’re missing the fundamentals that make women go weak at the knees and, well… unlock their legs.
Fourth, perhaps you get it on just fine with the ladies but you find yourself struggling to make anything come of it. Everything goes great… and then all of a sudden you feel like you’ve hit a ceiling. You can’t seem to (or you don’t know how to) progress all the way to the bedroom.
If any of these possibilities sound remotely like you, you’ll be pleased to know that this article is divided into two closely interconnected parts: Part I will turn you into the kind of guy that women are biologically hardwired to unlock their legs for. (Hint: It’s not being “the nicest guy ever.” Far from it…)
Part II will turn you into a neo-Casanova, creating near-tangible sexual tension with masterful flirting and physically escalating your way to the bedroom.
Put simply, in Part 1 you’ll become the type of guy she unlocks her legs for, and then In part 2 you’ll learn the specifics of how to unlock her legs.
So without further ado, let’s dive right in and turn you into a woman slayer. The James Bond of James Bonds. Sans the 007 status. Perhaps… 0069?
PART 1: YOU
1. The one thing that repels all women
There’s one thing that repels all women. And yet most guys are the embodiment of this trait.
What is it, you ask?
Well, I’ll just give it away…
Here it is: Neediness. “But I’m not needy!” you cry out. Yes, my friend, you almost certainly are.
You see, neediness isn’t just the obvious things, such as being obsessive, going through her texts, calling her 69 times a day, and getting super jealous every second she’s not with you. Being needy comes through, even in the small things.
It comes through— albeit subtly, at times—in the way you talk to her, treat her, act around her, and so on. But the clearest sign of a needy man, by far, is the overall relationship dynamics.
(Note: Although I’m using the word “relationship”, this can apply to meet a woman for the first time, dating, being in a long-term relationship, etc.)
“Now,” you ask. “What do you mean by ‘relationship dynamics’?” Good question, my friend. Now, a word of warning: This is going to sound very Machiavellian.
But I want you to bear with me. You see, it comes down to this: How much effort are you putting into the relationship/woman? In other words, how invested are you in her and the relationship?
THE LESS F*CKS YOU GIVE, THE MORE F*CKS YOU GET
A surefire sign of a needy man is a man who invests a lot of time, energy, effort (and even money) into a woman while getting very little (if anything) in return.
The more you invest in a woman, the less attracted to you she is. It’s really that simple. For you analytical types: The amount of time/energy/effort/emotion/money a man invests in a woman is negatively correlated to her attraction.
(Except, of course, for the fact that he needs to invest a little bit to get her number, set up a date, flirt a bit, etc.) Anyhow… Here is an approximate graph:
I know this is completely contrary to all that feel-good emotional bullcr*p society pumps into you about how you just need to show her “what a nice guy you are.” I know you’ve been taught that the way to get a babe is to wine and dine her for months and buy her flowers and chocolates and take her for rides in your fancy car.
That if only you could be nicer to her than every other guy she’s met, then she’ll want to sleep with you.
But it’s all a lie.
It’s not what women are biologically hardwired to find attractive.
At best, this sort of needy behavior will land you in the friend zone, at worst, she’ll find you sexually repulsive.
Either way, you lose. The ironic truth is that the neediest get the least.
Needy men get what others give them, not what they want.
Men who have zero needinesses, on the other hand, get exactly (and often more than) what they want. Women find them irresistible.
But why? Why are women instinctively (yes, instinctively ) attracted to guys who have zero needinesses? Why are they instinctively attracted to men who have options? Who feels like they don’t need to prove anything? We’ll explore the evolutionary reasons for this, but before we move on, let’s examine neediness on a deeper level…
IT’S ALL ABOUT THE SUB COMMUNICATION
Mindset is everything. It’s not so much about the needy behavior itself, but about where it is that the behavior comes from. It’s about what your behavior implies about you as a man —the sub-communication.
For example, buying a woman you barely know a drink at a bar or bragging to her about your job is obviously coming from a place of perceived inadequacy.
You feel you’re not good enough for her on your own, or you feel inferior to her or intimidated by her beauty, and so you attempt to compensate. Meanwhile, the guy who’s playfully teasing a woman about something or another is, through his actions, implying the exact opposite. He has zero needinesses. In fact, he might be “testing” her to see if she’s good enough for him.
He’s the catch, and she’s just another chick chasing after him (at least this is his mindset). Needless to say, the second guy is going to be seen as infinitely more attractive to women than the first guy because his behavior implies that he is higher status. So let’s take a look at the different levels of neediness (or lack thereof)…
LEVEL 1: NEEDY
This guy is a needy man. He buys women he doesn’t know drinks in order to “buy time” to talk to them.
When he does get the chance to talk to them, he brags about his job, his car, his apartment, and so on. If he’s lucky enough to get a date with a girl, he texts her every day.
And not just any texts, but big, long, essay-like texts. He also sends “good morning” and “good night” texts. On the date, he asks her where she wants to go.
He wants to make her happy. He is too afraid to take charge and lead for fear that she might not like whatever it is he chooses/does. The point is this: It’s not the guy’s behavior itself that is needy. Rather, it is what the behavior is communicating about him.
His behavior is communicating that he’s too emotionally invested in her. That he’s not a man with options. That he probably even feels inadequate, unconsciously (or perhaps even consciously) feeling that he’s not good enough for her.
He feels he needs to compensate, whether that be by buying her a drink despite not knowing her, driving her (or, God help him, her friends ) around, taking her on fancy dates, showing off his high-paid job, and so on.
Although all of these behaviors may not be traditionally classified as “needy”, they nonetheless, come from a place of neediness and perceived inadequacy—and that’s highly unattractive.
LEVEL 2: SOMEWHAT NEEDY
This guy isn’t as needy as the Level 1 guy, but he’s still somewhat needy.
If a woman prods and pokes in just the right places, he can get defensive and insecure. “You seem like a player,” she says. “What? No. You know I’m not like that,” he says. Blah, blah, blah.
He feels the need to go on idiotically justifying himself. Which brings us right to the next kind of guy…
LEVEL 3: ZERO NEEDINESS
The type of guy that women are really attracted to are the guys that have nothing to prove. The guys that give zero f*cks.
If she says he looks like a player, a wicked grin possesses his face and he tells her that it sounds like she’s got an eye for talent. He has nothing to prove.
He knows he’s the shit and he just bathes in his own awesomeness.
If anything, this kind of guy tests women to see if they’re good enough for him. And he’ll playfully tease her (i.e. flirt) about this. (E.g. Girl: “Nothing beats a good massage.” Guy: “Trying to seduce me by offering free massages?”)
NEEDINESS IN SUMMARY
Get it? Don’t be needy. And, no, neediness isn’t just the obvious “crazy” stuff. It can come through in everything you do.
It’s all about what your actions sub-communicate—the meaning behind your actions, what your actions reveal about you. Being needy can be as simple as getting your feathers all ruffled up over something she says (such as the aforementioned “you seem like a player” example).
It can also be simply investing too much time, effort, and emotion into her too early and/or without getting anything in return. (For example, don’t start acting like her boyfriend and driving her around everywhere, buying her stuff, and being her shoulder to cry on if she hasn’t even put out yet.
And even then I wouldn’t recommend doing any of that sort of stuff, but I digress.) Although neediness can come in all different shapes, colors and sizes, it all smells the same—and women can smell it from a mile away.
So hopefully you now have a better understanding of this dreadful little creature known as neediness, because if you’re reading this article, you are almost certainly needy to at least a certain extent—no matter how small—and it repulses women.
KEY IDEAS
A. Neediness is the single most unattractive trait. You can look like Brad Pitt, but if she gets so much as a whiff of neediness, her attraction will die.
B. It’s all about what your behavior sub-communicates. Neediness isn’t always obvious. Us guys typically associate neediness with crazy behaviors, such as secretly checking her phone. But in reality, doing unnecessary favors, getting too invested too early, or feeling like you need to prove yourself are all just as indicative of neediness.
C. The less f*cks you give, the more f*cks you get. Women are biologically hardwired to be instinctively attracted to mentally strong, confident, masculine, dominant men. These kinds of guys aren’t needy and have nothing to prove. And so when your behavior sub communicates neediness— giving too much of a f*ck—her legs tighten and her attraction wanes.
If you want to unlock her legs, eliminate all neediness. Not just the crazy stuff—I’m confident you’re not like that. It’s the small things. The subtle sub communications. Turn the tables by shifting your mindset from “I hope she likes me” to “Let’s find out if I like her.”
Try to impress her and she’ll be less interested. Be less invested and she’ll try to impress you.
2. The Evolution of Attraction
Attraction isn’t a choice.
In case you missed it, read that sentence again. Attraction isn’t a choice.
A sparkling red Ferrari won’t make her attracted to you. (Hint: Our genetics haven’t changed much since the first Ferrari rolled off the assembly line, yet your ancestors still managed to get laid.) A high-paying job won’t make her attracted to you.
Six-pack abs won’t make her attracted to you.
Telling her (or bragging about) all the reasons she should be attracted to you won’t make her attracted to you.
Why?
Because attraction isn’t a choice. If it was, nice guys would be fighting off advances and bad boys would be out of business. No. Instead, attraction is instinctive.
Women may say (and even think ) they want a nice guy who treats them like a princess, but the truth is they don’t feel any attraction. Yet when that menacing bad boy swaggers by, she just can’t help but get the tingles.
So where did it all start?
What are the roots of female attraction?
Let’s wind back the clock and find out…
A CAVEWOMAN’S ATTRACTION
Us men are instinctively attracted to young babes with titillating tits, a big butt, long luscious legs, and all that good stuff because these are physical traits that are indicative of fertility.
The cavemen who chased sick old ladies didn’t have much reproductive success, and so their genes failed to be passed on. As such, today’s men are attracted to physical traits indicative of youth, health, and fertility.
But because us men don’t grow a woman’s babies inside our bodies, a man’s physical traits are not as important a factor when it comes to a woman’s instinctive attraction.
So what is it, then, that women have evolved to be instinctively attracted to? To cut a long story short, a man’s behavior is the most important factor when it comes to female attraction.
A somewhat ugly guy who has the strength (both mental and physical) to protect her when she’s pregnant and the infant when it’s vulnerable from sabertooth tigers and starvation increases her odds of successful reproduction far more than a weak, wussy “pretty boy.”
WHY WOMEN LOVE JERKS
It is for these evolutionary reasons that women can’t help but feel a primal attraction for the typical bad boy or “jerk”. Jerks exude confidence and—back to sub-communication—all of their actions sub communicate they are the prize.
When he treats her like shit, the sub-communication is that he has options. If she leaves, there’s 10 other girls who’re after him. And that only intensifies her attraction for him.
When he doesn’t give her what she wants, the sub-communication is that he’s mentally strong enough to ignore her shit and not supplicate to her silly demands. He feels no need to try impress her by bowing to her every whim.
He’s probably also capable of slaying those juicy big buffalo, dealing with potentially dangerous tribe members, and protecting her from those sabertooth tigers.
And all that only intensifies her attraction for him. When he flat out ignores her for days on end, not answering calls or texts and virtually disappearing off the face of the earth, the sub-communication is that she might not be good enough for him or he might be getting bored of her.
And that only intensifies her attraction for him and makes her try harder to please him. And so on.
3. The Power Of Preselection
Do you want to know the one thing that makes women crazy for a guy?
Chasing after him, tearing down his door, and wanting to f*ck his brains out?
It works on guys that are fat.
It works on guys that are ugly.
It works on guys that are dead broke.
It works on guys that no one would expect women to desire in any way, shape or form. But it works nonetheless.
So what is it?
Behold: The pussy-moistening power of preselection.
What on earth is preselection? Simple. Do you know that guy that walks into the bar with a hot babe on each arm? That is preselection. Put simply, preselection is having women see that other attractive women find you attractive.
I know that, being a guy, this can be a little hard to understand. After all, us guys typically prize the innocent virgin over the sorority girl who’s banged every frat boy in college or the slutty cheerleader who’s banged every guy on the football team.
But for women, it’s virtually the exact opposite. Women instinctively feel far more attraction for the guy who’s banged every hottie in college than they do a virgin.
And no, this isn’t merely a case of mistaking correlation for causation. Study after study after study has found that women are more attracted to guys— in many of the studies, the exact same guy —when he’s shown with other attractive women.
In one study, even pointing a side-on picture of a woman’s face at a front-on picture of a guy’s face made women perceive him to be more attractive. See Figure 3 for a (poorly) illustrated example of how the study was conducted.
Simply having a picture of a smiling woman pointed at a clearly unrelated picture of a man skyrockets his attractiveness in the eyes of women.
Now imagine the power preselection outside the psychology lab and in the real world! (Note: Associating with ugly women has the opposite effect. Preselection only works if hot women are after you.
So don’t join the “Fat Acceptance” club —it won’t work!) So how can you can use the power of preselection to, well, unlock the legs of more women? Simple. Here are a few ways…
HOW TO USE PRESELECTION TO UNLOCK HER LEGS?
● Date more women. Funnily enough, women are a bit like money. The more you have, the easier it is to get more. You may have noticed this in your own life, getting more looks and flirtatious advances while having a girlfriend, and less when you’re single.
● Post pictures on Facebook. Take pictures with some cute girls and post them on Facebook.
● Don’t reveal your notch count. If she asks how many women you’ve slept with, exaggerate if it’s low, or simply hint at it being high. For example, “What, today? Not many…” or “That’s classified information. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
● Have zero needinesses. Be ready, able, and willing to walk out the door at any moment. Don’t put up with a woman’s sht. Simply acting like you’ve got an abundance of women (and so not needing to put up with nonsense from anyone girl) automatically makes you more attractive in her eyes. Though they’ll never admit it, women are super attracted to guys who have options (and so don’t need to put up with her sht).
● Don’t over-invest in her. This relates directly to neediness. Is a guy who has plenty of women and is always getting laid going to be immediately responding to her texts, liking all her social media posts, sending her long text messages, constantly checking his phone, etc.? No, of course not. Cultivate that “I get laid” vibe by cutting out all behaviors that demonstrate your lack of options.
● And more … So get creative! If you’re looking for the single most effective way to get women to chase (and unlock their legs for) you, this is it. Preselection.
BE THE PRIZE
If you’re “too easy” for women, they naturally assume (usually subconsciously) that you don’t get laid much. This leads a woman to think that she is a prize for you.
That she is the “catch”. Women don’t want this. Women are hypergamous and are hardwired to want to be with men who they feel are better than them.
Women never want to be the prize. Rather, they want you to be the prize. And if you’re “too easy”, act needy, or give off a “I don’t get laid much” vibe, it’s clear that you’re less valuable than her—not an attractive proposition. She wants to mate with a guy she perceives as higher value than her.
And you know the best way to show her you’re that kind of guy—the kind of guy she wants to sleep with? Preselection.
If girls think that other girls are fighting over you, you become 10X more attractive to them. Be the prize. Act the prize. Behave like you have a great, big pair of brass balls that go “KLANK!” when you walk.
KEY IDEAS
● Girls are into guys that they think other girls are into. Use this to your advantage by dating more hot women (as opposed to eagerly committing to exclusivity early on), posting pictures of yourself with some cute girls on Facebook, etc.
● Cultivate an “I get laid” vibe. One of the most important keys to utilizing the legunlocking power of preselection is acting like you’re a guy with options.
4. Pursue a mission
As 50 Cent says, he’s lost paper chasing pussy, but he’s never lost pussy chasing paper.
Women love ambitious men. And no, it’s not because women are after the money ambitious men generate. Rather, ambitious men have a higher purpose, a “mission”, a big goal that they obsessively pursue. What does that mean? Why are women irresistibly attracted to highly ambitious men?
There are several reasons…
ZERO NEEDINESS
Ambitious men don’t put anybody on pedestals (not even if that somebody has a vagina). There are zero needinesses. The only thing they put on a pedestal is their Mission (yes, with a capital “M”, it’s that important).
Your Mission could be a business, such as in the case of a young Steve Jobs building Apple; it could be an art, like the rapper 50 Cent; or it could be as massive as building an empire, like Julius Caesar. Regardless of what your Mission is, everything else starts falling into place.
You know all those PUA (pickup artist) tricks, tips, and techniques? Simple stuff like be confident, demonstrate that you’re a high-value guy, don’t immediately reply to messages, don’t be available 24/7, don’t put women on a pedestal and worship them, and all that good stuff?
Well, when you have (and aggressively pursue) a Mission for which you have a burning desire, all of that naturally falls into place. Guys without a Mission? They typically obsess over women, get all needy, lack confidence, text her all the time, and overall pedestalize women.
(All of which serves only to repulse women.) Why? Because they have nothing else in their life. They have no Mission.
THE AMBITIOUS BAD BOY
Ambitious men are, in a lot of ways, like the bad boys that women find so irresistible. Moreover, ambitious men are attractive for all the same reasons.
Ambitious men and bad boys are both…
● Confident. Often cocky to the point of brazen. Nobody would describe him as meek, uncertain, or insecure.
● Direct. He’s not afraid to be blunt. If one of his girls is being “too annoying,” she’ll know about it. He doesn’t put up with a woman’s shit, and he doesn’t waffle on or try meekly tiptoe around.
● Decisive and dominant. There’s no doubt that he’s the alpha of the relationship. He’s the man, so he takes charge and leads. There’s no, “No, what do you want to do,” nonsense. He does what he wants, and she can tag along as he goes about living his exciting life. She’s not the center of his life, she’s an accessory. Never does he put her on a pedestal or act subservient.
● Indifferent. He’s less reactive and remains aloof. He knows he has options when it comes to women and so you’ll never catch him being an overly-attentive “try-hard”. He might disappear off the face of the earth for a few days working on his ambitious Mission or doing “bad boy” stuff and, when asked where he was, just shrug.
If she starts an argument over it, he just walks out the door. Totally indifferent. He’s the prize—not her. He doesn’t have time for that sh*t. There’s no pedestalizing her, trying to supplicate, or attempting to appease her.
● Entitled. Poll all the girls he’s been with and not in a million years will you find the words, “feels inadequate”, “feels inferior”, “feels as if he’s not good enough”, “feels as if he’s not worthy”, etc. He knows he’s the shit and never feels as if he’s not good enough for a girl.
● Exciting. He lives life right on the edge. There’s no white picket fence or counting down the days until retirement. He seeks not comfort and security but adventure. Boring he is not. Nobody would say he doesn’t lead an interesting life.
● Rebellious. He says and does what he wants. He is uninhibited and totally free. Some might even call it selfish. Either way, he’s a non-conformist and couldn’t care less what you or anybody else thinks of him. He lives for himself.
● A leader. He’s not only the leader of his own life, but he’s not afraid to lead others, either. He doesn’t ask his girls what they want to do, he does what he wants and allows them the honor of tagging along as he goes about living his rebellious, adventurous life. If they get “too annoying” or start giving him shit, he revokes that honor.
Zero needinesses. He’s the leader and he takes charge without so much as a second thought. Never would you call him passive or uninspired.
● Masculine. He’s a man and he makes no attempt to hide the fact. He’s not ashamed of his masculinity or sexual desires, but, if anything, proud of them! His body language is unabashedly masculine and he exudes a rugged charisma/energy/vibe. If you asked him if he was in touch with his feminine side, he’d laugh in your face.
● Menacing. There’s no mistaking that he’s not one you’d ever want to cross. He’s disagreeable and exudes a dangerous vibe. He’s not your typical overly-friendly, harmless nice guy.
● Masculine. He’s a man and he makes no attempt to hide the fact. He’s not ashamed of his masculinity or sexual desires, but, if anything, proud of them! His body language is unabashedly masculine and he exudes a rugged charisma/energy/vibe. If you asked him if he was in touch with his feminine side, he’d laugh in your face.
● Menacing. There’s no mistaking that he’s not one you’d ever want to cross. He’s disagreeable and exudes a dangerous vibe. He’s not your typical overly-friendly, harmless nice guy.
● Mysterious and unpredictable. He’s a mystery. His girls never know what he’s going to do next, and they love him all the more for it (even though they’ll probably never admit it). His girls never know everything about this mysterious man of theirs, which only serves to make them all the more interested.
His contrasting qualities stimulate curiosity and his mysterious and unpredictable nature leads women to build a fantasy in their heads that no reality could ever hope to match. You’ll never find him in a boring, unpredictable (and thus sexless) relationship.
● Teasing. He’s provocative and ruffles her feathers by playfully disrespecting and teasing her. If one of his girls asks him some stupid question like, “Do I look fat in this?” he’ll tell her she looks like she just gained 400 pounds and should take it off immediately… along with her panties (wink). He’s not her shoulder to cry on nor her emotional tampon, trying to put her at ease and tell her how wonderful she is.
5. Her Respect And Attraction Go Hand In-hand
Women are once again a little different from men in that their respect goes hand in hand with their attraction. Yes, us guys ideally want to respect the women we are with, but hey, you still get turned on by pornstars.
But women? Well, that’s why they love men in uniform and gobble up erotic novels about brooding billionaires and dangerous Navy SEALs. That said, there are two types of respect…
THE TWO TYPES OF RESPECT
● Grandfatherly respect. This is the kind of respect she might have for her grandfather. He’s a cute old man and she respects him because he’s her grandfather. This is the same kind of respect she has for her friends, including those helpless souls stuck in the friend zone. Men for whom she has this friendly respect for are men with whom the idea of sex is sexually repulsive. Ew.
● Emperor-like respect. This is the kind of respect she might have for a Roman emperor. A powerful, intimidating, awe-inspiring respect. Men for whom she has this kind of emperor-like respect for are men she fantasizes about.
The reason women are primally and uncontrollably attracted to men for whom they have this powerful, intimidating, awe-inspiring, emperor-like respect for is obvious. These are the kind of strong, powerful, dominant, masculine men that—in evolutionary times, at least—provided the greatest chance of successful reproduction.
So how can you be the emperor and not the grandfather? Well, a good start would be to review—and work on cultivating—all those knee-weakening, pussy-moistening traits under the “The Ambitious Bad Boy”.
Cultivate those traits and you’ll find that not only does this earn you irresistible, emperorlike respect from women, but guys will start respecting you a helluva lot more, too. Once you’ve done that, you may continue reading…
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO INVESTMENT
Investment, investment, investment. That’s what it comes down to. No, I’m not saying go become a hedge fund manager. Rather, you need to invest less in women. To demonstrate how this links into that irresistible, emperor-like respect, I want you to think of a man for whom you have great respect in your own life. It could be someone you don’t know personally, but ideally, it should be a guy you do.
Perhaps a boss or mentor. A man who you greatly respect, are in awe of, and perhaps even slightly intimidated by. Would you ask him to go grab some groceries for you on the way home?
Would you annoy him and badger him on about some nonsense?
Would you ask him to do things for you? Demand he buy you things? No, of course not! And you know if you did, you’d probably get a boot in the ass! The kind of respect you have for that man is the kind of respect that—for women—goes hand in hand with intense attraction.
And what does it all come down to? Investment.
INVESTMENT EQUALS ATTRACTION
Most guys make a terrible mistake when chasing girls. They make the mistake of thinking that it is their investment in her that counts. So they take her on extravagant dates.
They take her for rides in their fancy bmw car. They wine and dine her for months. They buy her elaborate designer clothes that fit her perfectly. (They know her clothing sizes from all those times they’ve gone shopping with her.) And the list goes on.
And where do they end up? Her Orbiter-in-Chief. The Friend Zone Mayor. Meanwhile, she’s doing Chad Thundercock. And Chad don’t do nothing for her. Oh, except that one time he gave her that “monkey see no evil” trinket he got sick of having in his apartment.
Now, while this is obviously an extreme example, you see milder versions of this happening every day.
So what’s the lesson?
We briefly talked about investment in this article on neediness, but that only touched on one half of the investment equation. The other half, and the lesson from this story, is…
It is not your investment in her that matters, but her investment in you that counts.
The more you invest time, effort, and money into her, the more you want her.
The more you chase her down and throw investment at her, the more attached you will be and the more she will consume your thoughts.
But because she’s not investing in you, her feelings for you won’t be affected one iota. Put simply, as her investment doesn’t change, nor does her attraction or desire for you. So what do you do? You need to turn it around. You see…
The more invested she is in you , the more attracted to you she will be.
Don’t get me wrong, you still need to invest. But just enough. Enough for her to feel safe investing in you. Then let her invest in you.
PART 2: INTERACTING
6. How to create intense sexual tension
flirt verb 1. behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions. “she began to tease him, flirting with other men in front of him”
In the above definition of ‘flirt’, there is one word more important than all the others. It is playfully . Flirting is not serious—or it can be, but disguised as playful banter.
If an attempt at flirting is not playful—or is clumsy and comes off as too serious—you will seem downright weird and awkward. Creepy. The key is this: Implication. You need to imply things rather than outright say them. Flirting is a subtle art.
Anyhow, with that little warning out of the way, let’s dive right into how you can flirt your way to sexual tension so tangibly thick you can strum away at it like the strings of a bass guitar. But first…
WHY FLIRT?
What’s the point of creating sexual tension?
Well, if you don’t create sexual tension, you’ll probably—at best—just end up her friend. You see, women are like a mirror. If you treat her and talk to her like a friend, you’ll become her friend.
If you treat her and talk to her like a sexy woman, someone you want to have sex with, you’ll become her lover. (Or not. But either way, you won’t end up wasting your time as her “friend”.) And so, if you want to bed women, not friend women, creating sexual tension is a must.
And the best way to create sexual tension is to flirt. And to flirt? Well, here are two of the best methods, starting with…
PUSH-PULL
Push-pull flirting is simple. As its name implies, you “push” her away— either emotionally, physically, or both—and then reel her back in with the “pull”. And, of course, push-pull flirting can be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of the two.
(For example, “Get away from me, you’re too cute and tempting.” playful shove ) Now, why is pushing and pulling so effective?
Two main reasons:
A. You take her on an emotional rollercoaster. Up and down. Dopamine and adrenaline. It’s irresistible.
B. It shows you’re a high quality guy. You don’t just throw yourself at her feet.
To expand on the second reason, imagine you’ve met a girl who’s funny, charming, highly intelligent and smoking hot. She seems like she’s exactly your type.
But then imagine that she creates zero intrigue. She’s not hard to get and virtually throws herself at your feet. You’d be like, “Whoa, I thought she was a higher quality girl than that.” You’d lose a certain amount of interest in and attraction for her. Push-pull also demonstrates that you’re not needy.
You like her—at least you think you might—but it’s not really a big deal. You’re the one calling the shots and you’re just letting her see if she can win you over.
Once again, you turn the tables so it’s her trying to win you over, not you seeking to impress her. And most importantly—in my opinion—it’s fun! And it’s not just fun for you, women lap it up too.
Moving on, let’s take a look at another method of flirting. Once again, this method of flirting is playful and all-around fun, and it also demonstrates that you’re a high-value guy.
CHASE FRAMING
Chase framing has you flirt by playfully framing the conversation/interaction in a way that makes it seem as though she is the one chasing you.
That you’re just an innocent victim of her incessant attempts at seduction. That you’ve had a hundred girls chasing after you and hitting on you today, and she’s just another girl trying to pick you up and seduce you.
A great example of chase framing is the aforementioned massage example:
Girl: Who doesn’t love a good massage?
Guy: Think you can seduce me by offering massages?
See how it works?
Once you get the hang of it, chase framing is so simple you could virtually use it on anything. For example:
Girl: inadvertently staring at you in deep thought
Guy: Trying to seduce me by staring at me like that?
Girl: No! Guy: Good, because it won’t work!
Or…
Girl: I love thongs.
Guy: Stop trying to make me think of you in thongs. And so on.
Perhaps the most important thing is this: Flirting should be fun. Have fun and playfully tease her as if you’re both silly little fourth graders goofing around in the playground.
If you’re not having fun, she won’t be either.
KEY IDEAS
A. Flirting is playful. If you come across as too serious, women will run for the hills. You’ll seem awkward at best and creepy at worst. Keep it playful by smiling, touching her to let her know you’re just messing with her, and having a playful tone of voice.
B. Use push-pull to get her emotionally invested. Playfully “push” her away with banter and playful teasing. Pretend you’re both fourth-graders messing around in the playground. You can playfully physically push her away, too. Then “pull” her back in by subtly (i.e. indirectly) implying attraction. Repeat, taking her on an emotional rollercoaster. Have fun with it.
C. Frame the conversation as if she is the one chasing you. Once again, keep it playful and fun, as if you’re a pair of fourth-graders playfully teasing each other.
7. Physically escalating your way to the bedroom
Many guys find themselves with a woman and everything’s going great. There’s a real connection, the girl’s showing obvious signs of interest, and the guy even scores a date. But… nothing happens.
For some poor souls, there’s a second and maybe even a third date. But still, nothing happens. Eventually, the girl’s attraction fizzles out, she disappears (or locks him in the friend zone), and the guy’s left scratching his head wondering what happened.
Everything seemed to be going so well! Alas, there was but one mistake. The guy failed to escalate. He failed to get physical. And guess what? Women don’t bed men. Men bed women. Men have to take charge and lead the interaction.
You’re the man, and so you have to take on the masculine role and be the leader. You approach her. You initiate and maintain the conversation. You get her number. You set up the date. And so on. You lead, she follows. And taking her to bed isn’t any different.
As a man, you have to lead her all the way from approach to coitus. (After that first bang, she’ll usually start taking a bit more initiative, but even then, you’re the man and you’re the one who takes charge and leads the relationship.
But I digress.) And just as you escalate the interaction in terms of taking the initiative when it comes to approaching her, getting her number, and setting updates, so too must you take the initiative when escalating physically.
ALWAYS BE ESCALATING
Always be escalating. You’re either moving forwards or backward. Building attraction or letting it wane.
Right from when you first meet a girl, you need to be physically escalating the interaction. If you’re not, you’re wasting your time. (Unless, of course, you’re angling to be the mayor of her friend zone.) And no, that doesn’t mean unzipping your pants as soon as you say “hey”.
Start small, and build your way up. If you throw a frog in boiling water, it will jump right back out. But if you gradually bring the water to a boil, the frog won’t realize until it’s too late. The same goes when physically escalating.
Start small with a handshake and/or touch her forearm or shoulder (or other non-sexual zones) during conversation to emphasize a point, highlight a joke, and so on. Then gradually escalate further.
When flirting, you can playfully shove her, pull her in close, high-five her, give her a phoney palm reading, or play with her fingers while reciting “This Little Piggy” or something similar.
Then you continue escalating. Put your arm around her, place your hand on her lower back when guiding her through a crowd, rest your hand on her thigh, brush lint off her shirt, brush a loose strand of hair from her face, and so on. Getting more intimate.
As you escalate, you need to pay close attention to her body language. Is she receptive, or does she look uncomfortable? Does she tense, stiffen, or move away, or is she responding and reciprocating? If all is going well, continue to gradually escalate.
If she’s not receptive or seems uncomfortable, bring it back down a notch and then gradually work your way back up again (assuming, of course, that she’s responding positively to your touch).
HOW TO MOVE IN FOR THE KISS
Continuing on, you’ll eventually reach a point where all you have left is the kiss and then, of course, sex. A tried and true method for escalating to the kiss is to simply slowly lean in while holding eye contact, look at her lips for a second, back to the eyes, and then go for it.
That said, there are two things that you will usually need to successfully escalate to the kiss.
A . You’ll often need privacy. Unless you’re both drunk at a nightclub, she doesn’t want everybody to think she’s “too easy” or a slut who kisses random dudes. This is particularly important if anybody she knows is nearby.
B . You’ll need to have physically escalated to that level. If you haven’t touched her the entire night, she’s not going to feel comfortable kissing. And, in many cases, she won’t be expecting it, and so going for a kiss out of the blue will catch her off guard and you’ll almost certainly get the head-turn and make things awkward. Privacy and physical familiarity.
The solution to the first one—privacy—is simple. Find a somewhat private/dark place. Or, even better, take her home. (More on taking her home later.) The solution to the second one—physical familiarity—is equally simple. Don’t be afraid to get physical.
The guys that bed women the fastest are often the guys that can’t keep their hands off women. If she does give you the awkward head-turn, turning away when you go in for the kiss, just brush it off. Move on and resume the conversation as if nothing happened.
If she asks what you were doing, reply with a straight face, “Crocheting,” or something else similarly indifferent. She obviously knew what were doing, so don’t take a question like that at face value. It’s a form of shit test. But I digress.
The biggest mistake you can make if she rejects a kiss is to make a big deal out of it. Brush it off, move on, and resume the conversation as if nothing happened. Moving on…
After the kiss, there’s only one thing left to do.
HOW TO SEAL THE DEAL
Taking her to bed is relatively easy. Once you’ve physically escalated to the kiss, sex is the obvious next step. Moreover, once you’ve reached that point —and assuming she’s responding positively and/or reciprocating—there’s little doubting that she’s into you.
There’s just one problem, one final obstacle: Her rationalization hamster.
She doesn’t want to be seen (by either herself or her friends or even society in general) as a slut.
So what’s the solution?
You need to give her rationalization hamster a good feed by framing the interaction so it seems like sex “just happened.”
As much as you might wish it were so, you can’t just say, “Let’s go home and have sex.” That might work for us guys because we tend to be more logical and straightforward, but women are far more subtle creatures.
The solution: Plausible deniability. Even though you and her both know what going to your place means, give her rationalization hamster just enough food to let it think that “sex just happened.”
For example:
“I’ve got an awesome pool table at home, come over and we’ll play a round.” Or if you don’t have a pool table, just say, “Let’s go get drinks at my place,” or, “You’ve never had a real martini until you try my homemade XYZ.”
Heck, if the attraction is strong enough, even a lame “excuse” will do. For example, “You need to see my awesome rug!”
Alternatively, if you’re going to her place, the same applies. If you’re both outside her place and she seems a bit hesitant as if she’s about to spurt out some nonsense excuse like, “I’ve got a big day tomorrow and need to get up early, so…” then you can never go wrong with the surefire, “Do you have a toilet?” (or something to that effect).
Although women sometimes simply don’t feel ready yet, giving her plausible deniability will get you a long way and, more often than not, help you to seal the deal. The key is to give her reason to not view herself as a slut. If you do a good job of that, she’ll feel comfortable letting you take her to bed.
THE FINAL ESCALATION
Here’s a simple, panty-soaking way to go for the kiss (and beyond)… If you’re at her or your apartment and she’s walking around, looking at something, getting some drinks, etc., slowly approach her from behind, place your hands on her hips, get close to her ear, smell her, move her hair to the side, and bite/kiss his neck. Then just have sex.
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