What To Do To Get Your Ex Back
If you've recently experienced a break-up and you're asking yourself "What To Do To Get My Ex Back?", or even if you're asking yourself "can I get my ex back?"... Don't give up hope quite yet! There are some things you can do.
If you're willing to put the time in and work to create an even better relationship with your ex than you had before, there are some great strategies and resources that you can use to get back together.
Painful as it is, sometimes, it is not reason enough for you to give up someone you truly love. Maybe, he dumped you today for some reason. But remember that there can also be a good enough reason for you to be back together again.
Break up is not really meant to separate the two of you or change your feelings for each other. It is like having that personal space so that both of you can grow up at the same time. And probably, at the end of the day, it will still be the two of you after all.
So, for you to successfully get back your ex, you must remember to do it maturely, for that is the real purpose of temporarily going separate ways. And for you to do it properly here are some things that you must bear in mind.
If you're willing to put the time in and work to create an even better relationship with your ex than you had before, there are some great strategies and resources that you can use to get back together.
Deep Inside You
Are you just coming out of a relationship? Do you feel not only rejected but also lonely? Can you not think of anything else but "getting my ex back" constantly pounding in your head? If the answers to these questions are all a big YES, then, probably, deep inside, you are still contemplating of winning back the love of your ex.Painful as it is, sometimes, it is not reason enough for you to give up someone you truly love. Maybe, he dumped you today for some reason. But remember that there can also be a good enough reason for you to be back together again.
Break up is not really meant to separate the two of you or change your feelings for each other. It is like having that personal space so that both of you can grow up at the same time. And probably, at the end of the day, it will still be the two of you after all.
So, for you to successfully get back your ex, you must remember to do it maturely, for that is the real purpose of temporarily going separate ways. And for you to do it properly here are some things that you must bear in mind.
• Self-Healing
Wounds will not be healed unless the wounded would do something. It is not enough that you constantly chant to yourself about "getting my ex back" if you are not doing anything to correct those wrong things in you that might have been the reason why you separated in the first place. Reflect on the whole course of your relationship, determine your mistakes and try to accept them. It is not enough that you only act maturely, you must think maturely, too.• Learn How To Wait.
While you are not together, it will be the best time to assess your real feelings for you to recover from the pain, not constantly lingering on the thought of "getting my ex back". If you will approach her and ask for an apology right away, chances are, the wound will just start bleeding. Give it time to heal.• Take This Time To Make Yourself a Better Person.
Sometimes, rain comes in our lives to wash the dirt away. Take this rainy stage as your opportunity to get rid of all your not so good qualities. This way, you will just emerge as a more matured person.• No More Tension Between Both Parties
Make sure that when the two of you met, there will be no more tension between both parties. Do not bring the hard feelings or start right away with a "getting my ex back" talk, instead, smile and keep everything light so a next meeting will be easier to set. Take this as the step to win back first the friendship. Never expect to jump right into the two of you back again.3 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
Before you make the move to try and get your ex back, it's important to understand if he's giving off any signs that he wants you back so you don't make the wrong move at the wrong time.When your ex wants you back but doesn’t want to come right out and say it he's going to exhibit signs to you both consciously and subconsciously and you need to know what those are. (Signs Your Ex-Boyfriend Still Has Feelings for You)
What signs to look for from your ex?
What does each sign mean?
What to do next once you're sure he wants you back?
Just because you're not together doesn't mean that he's stopped caring about you. To prove this point try reversing positions and pretend that you were the one who ended things with him. Do you think you would still care about him? The answer is of course! So now that you know that you've still got a chance with him, let's look at the subtle signs that your ex is putting out in your direction.
What signs to look for from your ex?
What does each sign mean?
What to do next once you're sure he wants you back?
Just because you're not together doesn't mean that he's stopped caring about you. To prove this point try reversing positions and pretend that you were the one who ended things with him. Do you think you would still care about him? The answer is of course! So now that you know that you've still got a chance with him, let's look at the subtle signs that your ex is putting out in your direction.
3 Signs Your Ex Still Loves You
Sign 1: He shows up to places where he knows you'll be.
Have you ever accidentally bumped into your ex? Well, chances are it wasn't an accident on his part. Somehow he knew where you were going, who you were going with, and what time you were going. Now he's not going to come right out and say it, but the reason he "bumped" into you is that he wants to keep tabs on you and see what you're up to.He wants to see if you're mourning the breakup or if you've gotten over him and moved on.
Do you and your ex share a lot of mutual friends? If so keep your eyes open whenever you're together with everyone. Look to see who he hangs around with and what he's doing.
Is he making eye contact with you? Is he hanging around your circle of friends more than his? These are all signs that he wants to keep the connection between you two alive even though your romantic relationship is technically dead.
Lastly, don't be too concerned if you haven't come in direct contact with your ex-boyfriend since the breakup.
In fact, this is probably the best thing that can happen because it forces your ex to think about you and what you've been up to since the breakup which is exactly what you want him to be thinking when you make the move to get him back.
What does it mean when he gets his stuff right away?
There is the chance that he may come and get his stuff shortly after the breakup, but try not to read too much into that because in all likelihood he's doing it out of anger, frustration and raw emotion since the breakup and not because he doesn't want to have anything to do with you.
What if it takes him a while to get his stuff?
If it takes your ex-boyfriend a while to come and get his stuff he's likely waiting for the tension in the breakup to subside. When the times finally come for him to get his stuff, keep things casual and light between you two.
Sign 2: It takes him a while to get his stuff back from you.
Another sign that your ex-boyfriend is still in love with you is whether or not he comes to get his stuff from you and the length of time it takes. In many cases, this is used as an excuse to see how you're doing and what you've been up to.What does it mean when he gets his stuff right away?
There is the chance that he may come and get his stuff shortly after the breakup, but try not to read too much into that because in all likelihood he's doing it out of anger, frustration and raw emotion since the breakup and not because he doesn't want to have anything to do with you.
What if it takes him a while to get his stuff?
If it takes your ex-boyfriend a while to come and get his stuff he's likely waiting for the tension in the breakup to subside. When the times finally come for him to get his stuff, keep things casual and light between you two.
Avoid arguing over petty details and try your best to remain calm and rational as you talk about things. The goal here is to try and keep the door open with him and you can only do that by making him feel comfortable and welcome.
What should you do if he doesn't come and get his stuff?
Take it as a good sign that he's leaving his stuff with you. He doesn't want to come and get it because secretly he hopes that you'll get back together down the road. Lastly, don't voluntarily give him his stuff. Make him come to you and get it. Doing this puts the burden of contacting you on his shoulders which means that when he does contact you it's because he wants to.
Now in many cases, if you're with mutual friends, expect that your ex is going to be civil and non-confrontational around you assuming that the breakup was not a total disaster. However, if you have been alone with your ex, how has he acted then? Was he also nice? If so it could be that he's trying to make a good second impression around you so don't discount that.
Another clue is that your ex-boyfriend still has feelings for you but doesn't want to come out and say he cannot make eye contact with you during a conversation.
What should you do if he doesn't come and get his stuff?
Take it as a good sign that he's leaving his stuff with you. He doesn't want to come and get it because secretly he hopes that you'll get back together down the road. Lastly, don't voluntarily give him his stuff. Make him come to you and get it. Doing this puts the burden of contacting you on his shoulders which means that when he does contact you it's because he wants to.
Sign 3: He's happy to see you when you meet face to face.
If you've ever bumped into your ex accidentally what was it like? The way he looks at you stands and acts when he's around you is extremely revealing in regards to what he's really thinking and feeling.Now in many cases, if you're with mutual friends, expect that your ex is going to be civil and non-confrontational around you assuming that the breakup was not a total disaster. However, if you have been alone with your ex, how has he acted then? Was he also nice? If so it could be that he's trying to make a good second impression around you so don't discount that.
Another clue is that your ex-boyfriend still has feelings for you but doesn't want to come out and say he cannot make eye contact with you during a conversation.
Maybe it's because he regrets his decision to end things or maybe he's just naturally shy but either way, if he wants you back he knows that it’s going to be difficult, and not making direct eye contact with you during a conversation is a direct result of this.
Get Your Ex Back by Using the No Contact Rule
Getting your ex back is all about one thing: making him miss you! No matter what happened, the present state of your relationship is not going to change until you have made your ex-boyfriend miss you.
By the time he starts reflecting on your relationship, thinking about the good times you had together, and recalling how it feels to hold you in his arms again - that is when he will be ready to reverse the breakup. Your aim now is to get him to that point by your actions and words.
Envision that you were the person who severed it with your ex? Do you think you would proceed onward immediately? Obviously not! You have to factor in the point that both of you had a history together and that the pain of the separation will keep going for some time before both of you do whatever else with anybody.
The theory behind this is simple: We want what we can't have or don't currently, have and so if your ex doesn't have any contact with you it stands to reason that at some point he will want to.
However, you have to be strong and commit to not contacting him under any circumstances.
This means:
• No Text Messaging
• No Facebook
• No Twitter
• No Phone Calls
• No Messaging Through Friends
I think you get the picture. You need to cut all communication with him or else he'll never start to miss you.
As your ex-boyfriend looks around to find out how you are dealing with the break-up, he should see nothing and I guarantee that after a few weeks of this, your ex-boyfriend is definitely going to come searching for you.
Are you going out with someone else? How come you're so busy? Your ex-boyfriend will think about these things, however, since he is not your boyfriend anymore it's not really his place to ask.
He expected that you'd come running after him and that you'd beg him to leave the door to the relationship open a crack in case he wanted to reconcile? Well, guess what. You just slammed it shut in his face.
The things you do, the things you say, and what you do around him in the immediate hours, days, and weeks after the breakup will set the tone for how he views you.
Having said that, the things you do and say aren't nearly as important as the amount of contact you make. Don’t be surprised if the communication between you two dries up, this is totally normal after a breakup.
Why? Because until you do this, he’ll avoid you every chance he gets. He’s not about to come around and start talking to you if he still thinks your only goal is to get back together.
This is primarily because withdrawal and detachment are not what your boyfriend expected from you at this point in time. He broke up with you and expected that you’d go out kicking and screaming, begging for another chance, so he’s looking for you to put up a fight.
In many cases at the point when couples fail to get back together, this is because somebody broke the no-contact rule. Abusing the no-contact rule on your part dependably prompts the accompanying situation in your ex's head:
There’s no rush for him to let you go because he knows there’s a part of you that is still in love with him.
And the best part for him is that he knows he can have you back when he wants. He’s holding all the cards and the deck is stacked in his favor.
This is the most commonly asked question. Even though every breakup is different, there are some ground rules you need to follow when it comes to contact with your ex. In most cases, a period of about six weeks will do it.
By the time he starts reflecting on your relationship, thinking about the good times you had together, and recalling how it feels to hold you in his arms again - that is when he will be ready to reverse the breakup. Your aim now is to get him to that point by your actions and words.
The most common mistakes people make after a breakup
The most common mistake we as humans make when we're trying to get someone back after a breakup it to contact them incessantly because we think that they will move on without us overnight. However, the reality of the situation is much different than what we think and I'll show you.Envision that you were the person who severed it with your ex? Do you think you would proceed onward immediately? Obviously not! You have to factor in the point that both of you had a history together and that the pain of the separation will keep going for some time before both of you do whatever else with anybody.
Types of Contact to Avoid with your Ex-Boyfriend
Now that you know why your ex-boyfriend isn't going to run off with someone else right after the breakup, the next thing you need to do is to get him to think about you by not contacting him.The theory behind this is simple: We want what we can't have or don't currently, have and so if your ex doesn't have any contact with you it stands to reason that at some point he will want to.
However, you have to be strong and commit to not contacting him under any circumstances.
This means:
• No Text Messaging
• No Facebook
• No Twitter
• No Phone Calls
• No Messaging Through Friends
I think you get the picture. You need to cut all communication with him or else he'll never start to miss you.
Does It Work?
Hell yeah, this works! But it only works if you follow through on the no-contact part. If you slip and drop him a tiny 'How are you doing?' text, then you've given the power during the breakup back to him.
As your ex-boyfriend looks around to find out how you are dealing with the break-up, he should see nothing and I guarantee that after a few weeks of this, your ex-boyfriend is definitely going to come searching for you.
He will do it under the guise of "calling to see how you're doing", or probably he will make up some lame excuse to stop by your house and pick up something that belongs to him.
He is going to be curious, and when he calls you will need to know what to say. Dealing with your ex-boyfriend's phone call correctly is an important part of winning him back.
If your ex-boyfriend suggests a place and time to meet up, do not completely commit. "Yeah, I think that is probably okay. Call me next week though, and we will see."
Various things just occurred during the call. Initially, you crushed your ex's expectations that you'd be very excited to hear from him.
Therefore your ex-boyfriend will get the feeling that you are not sweating him at all. In fact, in his eyes, you seemed to busy to be bothered with him which leaves him feeling like you've moved on.
Are you going out with someone else? How come you're so busy? Your ex-boyfriend will think about these things, however, since he is not your boyfriend anymore it's not really his place to ask.
The End Result
Your ex-boyfriend is going to be blown away! He's going to worry that you are totally over him and the relationship. He has absolutely no idea what is going on because it's the exact opposite of what he expected.
He expected that you'd come running after him and that you'd beg him to leave the door to the relationship open a crack in case he wanted to reconcile? Well, guess what. You just slammed it shut in his face.
You have put him out of his comfort zone and influenced your ex to confront the way that he can't play recreations with you as of now. It is possible that he takes you back (and hopes you will accept) or he hazards losing you until the end of time...
It’s not rocket science to understand that the communication aspect after a breakup is critical and can make it or break it depending on what you do.
The things you do, the things you say, and what you do around him in the immediate hours, days, and weeks after the breakup will set the tone for how he views you.
Mess this up and your chances of getting back together will go down dramatically, so you need to be very careful when you make your next move.
Having said that, the things you do and say aren't nearly as important as the amount of contact you make. Don’t be surprised if the communication between you two dries up, this is totally normal after a breakup.
What’s not normal is keeping the lines of communication and contact open so that you can hang on to your ex. This will only complicate your situation and it could even drive him further away, and that’s not what you want to do.
In short, the more you try and hang on to the relationship, the worse off it is for you. It ends up being counterproductive and accomplishes the exact opposite of what you want when you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex back.
You need to understand that letting him go is really the first step to getting him back. Reconciliation between you two can only begin once you've accepted the break-up.
And until you come to that realization, any and all attempts to contact your boyfriend will backfire and be met with resistance, not open arms.
You need to come to terms with your relationship and accept that it’s over. The reason for doing this is so you’re no longer spending your time fixing something that’s broken. And this is important to your ex-boyfriend.
Why? Because until you do this, he’ll avoid you every chance he gets. He’s not about to come around and start talking to you if he still thinks your only goal is to get back together.
You've got to make it look like you've moved on from him. There are a couple of ways of doing this if your ex-doesn't seem interested in you or you’re not totally over him.
This next part is very important so pay attention. The further away you remove yourself from the situation, the greater his reaction and surprise will be.
This is primarily because withdrawal and detachment are not what your boyfriend expected from you at this point in time. He broke up with you and expected that you’d go out kicking and screaming, begging for another chance, so he’s looking for you to put up a fight.
Breaking off all contact with your ex-boyfriend is the fastest and simplest way to get him to notice you again. However, for many women, this is the hardest thing to do.
In many cases at the point when couples fail to get back together, this is because somebody broke the no-contact rule. Abusing the no-contact rule on your part dependably prompts the accompanying situation in your ex's head:
"I can't trust how desperate she is. It's reasonable she needs me more than I require her. For what reason would I need to date somebody like that once more?"
Coming off as needy and desperate will influence your sweetheart to lose any regard he had for you. As soon as he realizes you’d do just about anything to get back with him is the same time he puts you in a different category altogether: easy girls.
I know no contact is hard. You go from calling, texting, and talking to someone every day to not speaking or calling that person at all. The transition isn't going to be smooth and it’s going to really make you miss your ex. But guess what? Your ex is going to miss you too.
Keep in mind that although he broke up with you suddenly, he was looking for a gradual withdrawal. He was fully expecting to hear from you and look over his shoulder and see you chasing him and begging to take him back. In essence, this allows him to exploit the break-up.
There’s no rush for him to let you go because he knows there’s a part of you that is still in love with him.
As you can see this comforts him. It’s easier for him to break up with you because he’s able to keep an eye on you and who you’re with. By hanging around and staying in his life, your ex is then fully aware of everything you’re doing.
And the best part for him is that he knows he can have you back when he wants. He’s holding all the cards and the deck is stacked in his favor.
Stand your ground when it comes to the no-contact rule. As mentioned before this includes email, texting, and phoning your ex as well as no visual contact. No communication, no talking, no exceptions.
Don’t be surprised if your ex calls you in the early stages of the break-up. You need to be strong and refuse this early contact, as much as you’d love to talk to him and hear his voice. Remember, the deck is stacked against you.
To help you through the initial no-contact stages, you might need to unplug from the digital world. Stop charging your cell phone. Avoid checking email, texts, and voicemail. Are you always on the computer? Then say goodbye to Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites for a while.
By ditching the electronic anchors, you turn the tables on your ex-boyfriend and put yourself in a position of power. Staying plugged in will only tempt you to check up on your ex, and your goal here is the opposite. You want your ex checking up on you!
You might not believe it, but shutting down the lines of communication will rattle your ex. Even though he told you not to contact him, the reality is that he wants to hear from you one way or another.
Look at it from this angle: knowing that you’re still in hot pursuit of him gives your ex the nice feeling that he’s desired. But after you stop focusing your attention on him his ego will be shot. He’s got to face the reality of the situation and entertain the possibility that he’s not the center of your world, which is something he never did when you were chasing him.
